WANTED

I'm looking for anyone that wants to start a graff gang. I saw the most ghetto scene ever on late night SBS-Run down, trashed, outer limits Philly. Against the wall of crack basement someone had written "Boys in the hood" in the dodgiest writing. It's probably the coolest graff I've seen all year. Anyone that wants to buy flanno overcoats, baggy jeans, and Nike Air Zooms and get 'boys in the hood' mad with me just let me know.

I also want to start a skate gang. We'll rip the sleeves off our shirts so we go faster. We'll rock wide boards, no less than 8's, and bomb car parks. We gotta grow our hair long and give each other crocodile tattoos.

Does anyone want to start a hipster art band? Not the crap you hear on JJJ but a real art band. take the dissonance of a stoned out Youth solo and mix it with grind. We'll be called Goliath. We'll wear eye patches and smash our 50 buck guitars (two guitars no bass) against the drums. We'll never wash and play samples through old casio clock radios.

I'm gonna start a Beagle wrestling club. I'm training Louie up for a battle. Kid knows how to roll- that's gonna come in bloody handy. Beagles are mad tough. Louie has spent the arvo pruning my bonsais. He's a perfectionist. What Louie didn't dig was ripped straight off. He said really bonsais are meant to look gnarled and chewed. He told me to stop being such a whiny yank and learn to let stress roll off my shores like the winds of San Diego. He's obviously brain damaged.

achoo achoo achoo

Brrrrrrrrrrrm brrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!!! skweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelly!!

Have you noticed how the construction workers hang the union flag on top of buildings through out the construction process? I like it. Where the old Raffles hotel used to stand, huge luxury apartments are being built, I think each floor sells for more than a million. Any way, it’s this large shiny building, all glass and hard, and on the top hangs the union flag. The workers are claiming territory.

A girl at work asked if I had any hobbies, if I played any sports. I said “ hell yeah, I love sniffing glue and fruit-booting”. (I actually might have said that I enjoyed surfing) I was then obliged to also ask if she had any hobbies.
“I like makeup and stuff.”
“Have you ever thought of becoming a beautician?”
“Yeah I have.” As you can see our conversation was zipping along, full of wit and mutual interest. But then she dropped a bomb for which I am forever grateful, it made my day.
“Oh, and I love burnouts. Really love burnouts. I guess that’s kinda a sport. My boyfriend has a Torana, I love it when we take it out.”
Man, I’ve never met anyone who counted burnouts as a hobby- and I used to live in Bunbury which is next to Australind!
I was blown away and probably a little in shock.
“I hate burnouts,” I said. And that’s where our conversation ended.

Later I heard her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, “Mister when you get back you owe me a burnout…….yeah a burnout and a doughnut….. No, I’ll be real pissed off if you drink ten beers and try and drive to my house hahahaha.”

I shit you not, this is true. Man………..

I have nothing.