Friday, January 30, 2009



I just realised that it's 'crack raider razor' not razor razor. Bang out.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Firty



I saw Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds the other night. It was amazing. Inside a massive open air ampitheatre within a disused quarry. I felt like I was involved in some sort of primordial tradition as thousands of us sweated and squirmed as the crazy magic man convulsed and thrusted on stage. It was magical noise.

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty Nein


"Life can be so good and so shit at the same time". I said this yesterday and my brother said it was very deep and that I should put it on a T-shirt and rolled his eyes and sighed. I'm a profit of the gutter like Nas. He makes profit from the gutter. I dropped a dollar coin down the drain in primary school once. It was hot and the drain smelt like sick all sweet and dark and deep and dark. I was disappointed as I wanted to buy a sausage roll or a little carton of choc milk. Some cool kids with tanned legs used to throw small change purposely into the drain like it wasn't no thang yo'hear. Money to burn in primary school. Two ice-creams rich. Count Choculas and Jokers and a bag of bullets.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty 18



It's summer oh yeah. The sky is so smoky today, the hills are smouldering. I'll pretend I'm in Jakarta transporting a white chicken on the back of my two-stroke as I ride my bicycle. Then I'm going to eat some spicy noodles and sweat from my mustache.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty Seven


If I ever start a punk band I'm going to use this as a logo. Flowers are so un-punk theyre fkn punk. Full circle. I'm a mad man and no system can hold these milky white fists still!*

There's an old crust that lives on the other side of our fence. He's got a big melon of a head and his hair is snow white. His glasses always seem smudged like he's tried to clean them with vaseline.

John's built a number of things and torn them down in his backyard over the three years we've been in the house. At one stage there was a chicken pen. I looked over the fence once and there were two dead doves hanging by their feet from the ceiling. I thought this was quite strange. Apparently they were eating the chicken feed or something equally death worthy. Doves are apparently a scourge. He also caught a crow that was hanging around and then released it kilometers away. As I said before - he's a crust.

There are a lot of Ibis (plural of ibis is...? Ibi?) around our neighbourhood. They sit on lawns and peck away at ibis food. Today when I was walking the dog I saw John walking across the road towards the house opposite his. There were a few ibis pecking away. He had a few lemons and he was absolutely pelting them towards the house as he approached. I couldn't work out if he had a vendetta against the house or the birds. Either way he would have offended both house and birds with his behaviour that was quite odd which I saw with my eyes today which is thursday.

*Not a 'self love' reference

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty Sux

I'VE GOT A WINNING LOTTO TICKET!! $14.10! THAT'S AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS BY THE WAY! EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T RECOGNISE YOU AS I'M SPEEDING PAST IN MY CAR WITH 14 BIG ONES WORTH OF PREMIUM FUEL! THEY SAY MONEY CHANGES PEOPLE AND I'D HAVE TO AGREE! COLIN BARNETT - YOU'VE GOT MY BACK BUDDY. MONEY NEEDS MONEY Y'HEAR!

Friday, January 09, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty Five


Silver Lizard at le' Velvet Lounger. Like the soundtrack to your favourite '96 surf movie. Off the hook.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty Fo



Turnerrrrrrr!! My office!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

SEH .22

On the television this morning some old bat was say that 'Dorothy and Frank' would be the most popular baby names this years. They were good solid 'depression' names and that they would replace current number ones 'Mia and Jack'. No more Jtylah Tobassco or Cohrleenah Tsunahmia, parents chose less frivolous names when the dollar is shy - according to this expert who looked like she'd sieved a pot of dirt through her choppers.

I can't really imagine a baby called Frank. Well I can but their future isn't too rosy. Who calls a kid Frank? Shit. A two year old called Frank? "Mother, i want some polony and also I want my pet brick. I'm going to lick the polony off Bricky, and then I'm going to sniff my fingers". That's what would happen. I've met some Franks before but they were never kids so this doesn't apply to them.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part Colt 22.


Shopping centres can be the worst place on earth. At this time of year they're usually full of kids in new era caps and thongs trying to dry hump. I'm beginning to hate kids. Teenagers especially. Actually, kids in groups. Kids as individuals are actually people. Catch the train and you'll have to listen to some little dietary deficient bastard tell their b.f.f. how they saw a guy a the juice shop and he was asking how Alison was and i was like she's ok and he was like how was you're holiday and i was like i've just been getting smashed and like going to parties and he was like do you know where there are any parties and i told him that we were having one so now we've got to have one at like your place because Steven is a total dick and wouldn't let me go out on thursday night and i was like you're not my dad you can't tell me what to do and mum was getting pissed off at me so i just like spent the whole night on msn and ignored them and they were like... ENDS


I kicked the footy in the park yesterday. I realised that i was wearing shorts but no undies. I don't do this often. Only when I have job interviews. It helps me relax. I also like to drink some water from my dog's bowl to get some wolf bravery and punch a wall until my knuckles look like Colin Barnett's gums. I walk into that interview and tell those potential enemies that I've just damaged the letterbox of their enemy. It shows that I'm already loyal and that i'm prepared to take direct action like a fat 40 year old pensioner takes direct action at Miss Mauds. 'Escuze me! Escuze me! You seem to have run out of black forrest. I really love that and I came here all the way from Morley especially for a piece. I paid for all you can ate and this isn't all I can ate. You're going to make some more? There will be some more? Ok, ok, it's just that i love it. It's a special day for me. Going to have a haircut and buy a gold necklace. I will wait for the cakes. Lucky they're coming, lucky is right, I know a councilor in Morley and he would like to know about this situation if there wasn't any of the cakes but it's all ok because they're coming. Five minutes? Five minutes?'.

Direct mofk'n action. If it's a government department there isn't really a direct competitor so I usually tell them I kicked a robber in the nuts and that he bit my hand. And i demonstrate by swing a kick into the air and then biting my hand where the wound is "Arghhhhhh!" Then I tell them I took him to Mcdonalds and bought him lunch (after I subdued him with a headlock - cue grabbing an interviewer in a headlock and showing them how you can incapacitate an attacker by hooking a finger in each nostril) and that how all robbers just need a hand "You should have seen the little bugger eat! Two quarter pounders and a sundae - I think he still robbed me! Hahahahhahaha!!"

Jobs that's how you get them.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part 21st


I've just figured out how to edit footage on my computer after 5 years of owning a video camera. I not learn so fast. Here's some footage from early 2008. I'm the one in the shorts.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part 200


My cousin's kids made this. It has to be seen to be believed. It's on the grandest scale. I took this picture from the top of a cliff, probably about 10 meters from the ground on the southern shores of Worsten Australia. They really wanted to show it to me, they were pumped, it was something 'I had to see'.
After I was guided down the track with my eyes closed I was instructed to look. I was very impressed. A man lying prostrate would only be about as long as the shaft! I told them that I was very proud and that they had done an excellent job, I mean, look at the spurts - absolute genius! The writing says 'Dirty Dick' and I assume that's the piece title. Stellar.