Thursday, April 30, 2009

PO Bollox

I've gone to get my passport two times this week and been denied each time. The first time they were too busy. You don't 'need' an appointment but you need an appointment. The second time they wouldn't process it because my guarantor had changed a letter from an 's' to a 'c'! You fascists at the post office, you're killing me. I have a feeling it's going to take me at least three weeks to get them to finally process it. I asked the repeatedly today that everything else besides the small alteration was ok and they said 'yes'. I should have gotten that in writing. I should have recorded it with a camera. I should have made them sign I stat dec. I know when I return something else will be wrong. Post Office Nazis, Howard is dead. Go down to the carpark and cram yourself full of Postman Pat DVDs.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Unstoppable Magic.



The woman next door is from another country. I hear her yell at her son. More like scream and moan. She seems a little psycho. He moans back. Other than that they are extremely quiet and hardly ever leave the house. Kind of sad.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Quotes that are my life


Cutting my own hair is the only option for me. i never know what to tell a barber and they always want to talk to me- Andy Jenkins

I can't get down with hairdressers. The conversation winds out before halfway through and I look into the mirror and sort of smile like I'm cool with the situation. I try and think of something to say and then cancel it out because it's been to long to break the silence. I find myself asking 'so how long have you been cutting hair' and they tell me and I say 'oh'. Dead end. Dead end.

The other day, when you came over, I was really there, but I hid and pretended not to be home.- Andy Jenkins

This definitely happened regularly about 6 years ago. Should be preceded by 'I've smoked a couple of cones and am borderline skitzo.' I won't pick up the phone either. Or leave the house. You're all out to get me. Weed and coffee. Fuck the birds. They're after me . Ganging up. Gonna peck my eyes. Ethan Fowler I want to skate rails.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Can't stop, won't stop. Oliver, Jamie. Cherub Lips.

Sweet lebanese cakes. I can't stop eating you. I'm huffing them, I'm eating one and then smashing seven. I can't stop. There's a massive box full of little pieces secretly holding crushed pistachios/walnuts/cardamon/rosewater/honey. I'm in an arabic brothel and I can't control myself. I'm going to be so fat. Armpits are gonna swell and my hair will probably fall out. Legs are getting whiter all ready. Pretty soon I'll be driving a Waverunner and wearing a gold chain from Zamels jewellers. That's what happens when you eat too much cake. Every chubby woman you see with curly hair and a fat paw full of chingy rings driving a 4WD has gorged herself every afternoon on supermarket sponge cake, Auntie Pat's cheescake, and blackforrest atrocities. She does this while drinking a cup of instant cappucino and yelling at her kids to go play out side. This is a fact. I stand by it.

Oh boy oh boy. Chemical warfare.

How bad is my spelling?

I know, I know.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Shouldn't have cut my hair.



This is perfect, just perfect. Four dudes feeling it. Flip yo wig.