BEAGLE CULT

Praise the marrow. Let the ocean howl. Four paws are gonna tear this world apart.
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We get up.

We get up. Oh how we zig. I'm the puff from a bee sting, all welts and rose. I'm the electric eel, all piss and sake. I ride my bike down the biggest hills and hold back on the brakes. I'm going to whir into your garden, push spokes through hydrangea. Smash myself into your roller door, topple your birdbath, let the petals fly.

Daylight savings. Referendum.

Col Barnetta and the Tombstone Grill. Nibble nose.

Shai Hulud. Hearts Once Nourished. The artwork for the new album (newer album) is horrendous. It pretty much fell apart after the first LP. I want to hear about hating the human race, hopelessness and doom, not dragons and deathglam misfires. It's like the rap game, knee deep in the crack game. I don't want to hear about bbqs and positivity. I need to hear about selling kilos of coke and letting clips drop, black steel, crybabies and the great ghostdieni. Scrubbing my wallabies down with my Illmatic toothbrush. Moesha, you a bag o'chips and all dat.

Dip Life

I actually got this piece into an exhibition and it sold. I was amazed. Really cool.

I'm getting a little tubby. I went to the bottle shop and bought a bottle of gin. This should get me off the beer and improve my poetry. Bombay Sapphire, I feel our situation's dire, for I have no job and you my dear, you my dear, are nought but an inanimate object with a neck too slender.

There you go. I'm a West Australian Bright Eyes or a wabe as we call them down at the river while we sharpen pencils and fly brown paper kites. Oh how we fop.

Bad Buzz. 1st LP

I feel sorry for my dog sometimes. Cats keep pissing on our doorstep and in our driveway. He can't do anything about it. He just has to sit there behind the otherside of the gate as these seedy loiterers post dirty messages all over the front of his castle. They're all smug, like cats are (Garfield anyone? Scientific evidence right there!) and call me and him 'homos' under their breath. Louie said we should get a water snake and let it loose on them. Then we could get a roast chicken each and go down to the river and split a pack of cold and flu tabs and a bottle of red. Get bad buzzed.

Call Helen the nextdoor neighbour as I have fallen and hurt myself quite severely and need urgent medical attention urgently

Vasco De Gama, or Vaseline Pyjamas as I and Leunig 'the Jew hating scribbler' like to call him, was a magnificent man. For he invented Los Americanos, or as I and Colin 'the dandruff flaking toilet water officianado' like to call it ; The America. He found it by sailing across vast lakes and billabongs. It was nested at the bottom of Canadia - later to become Candida and the Thrushy plains. Vaseline Pyjamas declared that the new world would be a land where men could dig holes and kick rocks with freedom. He proceeded to say that The America was greater than France and that he would never go back, nor would he continue to sleep with curly red heads as he had discovered a country and no longer needed to slum it.

God I love you.