Quotes that are my life

Cutting my own hair is the only option for me. i never know what to tell a barber and they always want to talk to me- Andy Jenkins

I can't get down with hairdressers. The conversation winds out before halfway through and I look into the mirror and sort of smile like I'm cool with the situation. I try and think of something to say and then cancel it out because it's been to long to break the silence. I find myself asking 'so how long have you been cutting hair' and they tell me and I say 'oh'. Dead end. Dead end.

The other day, when you came over, I was really there, but I hid and pretended not to be home.- Andy Jenkins

This definitely happened regularly about 6 years ago. Should be preceded by 'I've smoked a couple of cones and am borderline skitzo.' I won't pick up the phone either. Or leave the house. You're all out to get me. Weed and coffee. Fuck the birds. They're after me . Ganging up. Gonna peck my eyes. Ethan Fowler I want to skate rails.

Terminator X speaks with his hands

I saw a man with a moustache and a large mullet the colour of a German Shepherd when I was waiting for my bus. I was scared for my safety. This guy clearly had no sense of social norms which made me feel that he was a potential predator. Another guy on the bus looked like Trent Reznor with a dodgy goatee. He had a T shirt on that said 'Republicans for Voldemort' which may be funny if you are say, a twelve year old kid who thinks they know about American politics, but is completely retarded if you are, say, a 37 year old man with died black hair. It makes me think you get your politics from South Park. It also makes me think you're probably trying to date 14 year old girls. I feared for my safety.

Teenage fuzz bus ride

"Kid. I'm here to tell you that you stink. No, not your attitude. You. You actually smell. It's quite normal though, a young person such as yourself is full to the brim with hormones. Yours are buzzing around the place so fast I can hear a high pitched whirr emminating from your person. This is quite normal. These hormones are bringing changes - you now the type. Long showers and swelling, itchy nipples and puffy glands. Hairs growing back into your skin, waking up with your eyes stuck together. We've all been there. When I was your age I used to climb the neighbour's fence and have a nice cuddle with their old Lassie dog of a hot sunday night. You can't do that these days though, oh no I assure you, so don't even try!

The smell you have is your way of telling the world that you're ready to bake. That you don't care if it's going to bring welts down the back of your thighs and make sweat crystals form on your neck. You're ready to kidney it out with some raw trade and heaven help your family if the oysters don't start lining up at the front door when the old moon is as low and white as a giant pain pill. Kid. You need to listen to this. I'm of the world, in the world, and above this world. Kid - come back. There aren't any spare seats."

Super Emo Holiday Part Twenty 18

It's summer oh yeah. The sky is so smoky today, the hills are smouldering. I'll pretend I'm in Jakarta transporting a white chicken on the back of my two-stroke as I ride my bicycle. Then I'm going to eat some spicy noodles and sweat from my mustache.