Blood and Guts and Fat Kidz.

I have a shirt I bought in Japan that i'm not sure about. Sometimes it looks like an old man's hanky.

I saw a fat 11 year old kid riding high in the saddle on a mountain bike that was way too big for him. He was pretty much a ranga. He had a shirt that said "Shit happens". I figure he was probably wearing it as a nod to 1994. He was next level.

Also, I was browsing an online recipe website and followed their links to 'Top blogs' and found this :

By *eclectRicity*

A Pregnant Pause...

Jul. 19, 2009 9:21 pm
Updated: Jul. 22, 2009 8:03 pm
Woo-hoo, I did it! I made LTH's second best brownie cupcakes, which for some odd reason I want to call Pregnant Cupcakes. I wonder why that is...

I used Betty Crocker fudge brownie mix and Duncan Hines Red Velvet cake mix.
I did make a few changes... in the brownies I omitted the oil, eggs, and water, and used a mashed banana and 3 tablespoons of mayonnaise. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it worked great and I don't have to worry about partially cooked eggs. And in the cake mix I used the substitution of applesauce for the oil, except I substituted a banana for the applesauce. Okay, so I like bananas! And I frosted them with my Creamy Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting that's in AR Purgatory - basically butter, cream cheese, coconut milk, flavoring, salt, and powdered sugar. I thought it might be easier to pipe the frosting on than to spoon it on... easier, yeah, if you make a habit of wrestling engorged, disembodied cow udders (I maybe should have made a half recipe of my frosting, LOL).

I took pictures of my journey. I apologize for the quality; I had to take them with my cell phone (and I'm not that hot a photographer to begin with).

Ewww, looks like a bowlful of cake blood being offered up to the kitchen gods.



A tray full of surrogate cupcake moms, implanted with their brownie babies.


Look, it's Octo-Mom plus one!

Man. Mayonaise in a cake? WHYTHEFUCKWOULDYOUDOSOMETHINGLIKETHAT? Oh, I know so you don't have to worry about partially cooked eggs. Of course! Don't worry about cracking a dozen eggs for your next pavlova. You can just use a big jar of Praise Mayonaise and a few cups of sugar. Eggs/ Mayonaise - same thing.

Also: wrestling engorged, disembodied cow udders
I look at her face and when I read this. I'm pretty sure she's one of those women that tries to steal babies. Look at the pictures of the gooey red brownie orgy. You know she's planning on some kind of home c-section atrocity.

And this:
Cupcake C-Section


She's going to cut someone up. I've warned you.

Also, she uses LOL. Case closed.

Can't stop, won't stop. Oliver, Jamie. Cherub Lips.

Sweet lebanese cakes. I can't stop eating you. I'm huffing them, I'm eating one and then smashing seven. I can't stop. There's a massive box full of little pieces secretly holding crushed pistachios/walnuts/cardamon/rosewater/honey. I'm in an arabic brothel and I can't control myself. I'm going to be so fat. Armpits are gonna swell and my hair will probably fall out. Legs are getting whiter all ready. Pretty soon I'll be driving a Waverunner and wearing a gold chain from Zamels jewellers. That's what happens when you eat too much cake. Every chubby woman you see with curly hair and a fat paw full of chingy rings driving a 4WD has gorged herself every afternoon on supermarket sponge cake, Auntie Pat's cheescake, and blackforrest atrocities. She does this while drinking a cup of instant cappucino and yelling at her kids to go play out side. This is a fact. I stand by it.

Oh boy oh boy. Chemical warfare.

How bad is my spelling?

I know, I know.

Super Emo Holiday Part 32 32 32 42 52 62 72 82

Perfect smoothie.
Smoothies are so you don't have to chew. That's why they were invented. Fact. You lead a busy lifestyle and you want to go back to the gym and smash mad bulk weight or process paperwork at your desk job faster than Clive across the cubicle. No time for chewing. You've got to get all the essential food groups into your blood stream so you've got at least two hours on a Wednesday to smash with the bouncers at the Brisbane on the bonnet of your girlfriend's Barina.

Ingredients:
Milk- You can get this most places.
Salt. Lots of fucking salt. Things that are hard to drink make you harder. Make it saltier than Eric Ripper's sweaty ballsack on the day he had to help Ljil move out of Dumas house. You are a sea dog.
Eggs- You don't actually have to buy these. Park across the street? Perfect. Cross the road, climb a tree. The eggs of doves, crows and magpies are often overlooked by the limp-wrists of this world. You are a hunter gatherer. Crows eggs have the faint taste of urea. Smash as many you can get into the blender. Fuck the shells. They'll make your hair shine.
Pedigree Pal (biscuits) - Not the stuff in the tin - it's good for a casserole but isn't suited to a powershake. These little fuckers are full of protein and taste better than that fancy shit they serve up on huge plates in the city. I usually have a bowl in the mornings of my fights with the pricks at Central TAFE who won't let me back into jewelry cert3. Chuck a good man's handful in.
Tuna in oil- keep the actual fish bits in the fridge. You just want the salty oil. Purely for taste. (fish bits LOL)
Coffee- Caffeine. Apparently Bruce Lee wasn't into coffee. May still be alive if he'd downed the brown daily. There's an Italian man down my road who's about 57. Proof that coffee keeps you alive. I don't want to die so I ensure that every meal I eat has some caffeine as an integral part. Try going to a restaurant and ordering a spoonful of Maxwell House's finest to sprinkle over your Lasagna. Pricks look at you like you wiped a weeping sore on the table cloth. I always eat at home anyway. Or Sizzler. Love Sizzler. Make sure the smoothie has at least a tablespoon of coffee (Black and Gold is good value for money or a few cans of redbuller from those chicks at the skyrace if it's that time of year).

Mix it. Drink it. Energy. Straight through your heart, pumping in your veins. Also good for helping you learn shit and stuff

Bean dreams

You know you're poor when you wish you had a tin of borlotti beans to put in your vegetable soup but you don't want to split your last ten bucks or use the nine dollars you have in the bank ($9.17). And then all you can think about are those beans and how if you had some money you would be buying those beans and eating them. What a luxury.

I said to my mum "I'm really broke" and she said "why don't you get another job?" and I said "that's the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard!"

ha. That'll show her.

Alot of people have asked me how to make pate'. see above recipe. I also included Jelly as a freebee.(picture wouldn't upload- imaging a pig in a blender and a goose in similar blender. ha ha excellent huh?)
Things that i have noticed lately : Most people are a waste of time (tm)
The Worldcup is good because Yugoslavian dudes finally get some respect.
A kitchen hand on the bus tried to convince a 15 year old bricky's labourer that he was paying off a $3 million apartment. "yeah 2 million to go mate". then he asked how much the kid got payed and asked if he could hook him up with a job because he needed a steady income to pay off his pad which has a ten grand sound system that he made himself.
He also burns porno movies on cd's then stamps them with a Playstation stamp so his girlfriend doesn't know. He is really really good at playstation. Got all the cars in Grand Turismo.





jerk