Monday, February 27, 2006

soy you want to be woman?

Apparently soy products are full of oestrogen. Not actual oestrogen, more like plant based hormones. (Phyto-oestrogen?)A guy that drinks soy milk, eats tofu, and wears sandals is less likely to develop prostate cancer than a guy who eats red meat, drinks cream and wears tracksuits and Avon talcum powder to weddings. I heard this on the news.

I thought to myself ‘excellent, that’s one thing that won’t be killing me’ (Obviously I’m probably going to die from police brutality. Life is cheap in Booragoon.) I’ve been sucking back the beany white since ’89.

Actually, hold on. If soy products are full of oestrogen, does that mean I could grow breasts like that bus driver that ate nothing but chicken, chicken full of hormones? Note; Also on the news.

I’ve been on to this for a while. I asked my doctor when I was 13. He said “no” in a South African accent, so more like ‘no’. Ok, then tell me why I can’t grow a beard? I’m twenty two and I can only cultivate the kinda fluff you see on trolley boys. I have to use mascara on my top lip to get into bottle shops.

I think I’m turning into a woman. A very handsome woman.

On a side note, have you noticed how coffee likes to beat the living crap out of soy milk. It’s true, you make some coffee, pour some soy milk in and the bastard curdles. It looks like Nescafe miso.


No comments: