Waste

It's recently been curbside waste collection in my suburb. All along the streets were piles of crap that people were throwing out. I was amazed at how many mattresses were lying dead and gutted on front lawns. Some of them were so old and abused It seemed humanly impossible that someone would ever have slept on them. The large number outside a couple of houses obviously advertised that they were backyard brothels. In fact I'm sure there would have to be at least seven within walking distance. These mattresses looked like they'd had numerous tax free sins performed around the clock upon their sheetless plains. I will have to move. I don't know if I can sleep easy knowing that my neighbours are running handjob parlours.

The best thing about waste collection is watching tarago vans full of pony tailed youths cruise the street looking for outdated computers and walking machines. Oh and the chubby professionals with trailers full of heaters with their chords cut off and assorted seat less bicycles.

Do you know you can get a KFC loyalty card? You can! I just saw it on TV. Who the hell would want that?
"Hey baby I got me one of them KFC credit cards. I'm gonna buy us some of them zinger cakes! Then we're going to have sex. That's my plan. I got plastic monies".

Super Emo Holiday Part Deux

A guy at the skatepark asked me if I was in a band "Are you in a band? With that hair I was just thinking you were. You look like a bit like an electric or a bass. You know I used to have long hair. Check this out (pulls out mobile and proceeds to play a video). I taped that from the library. This fucking nuts kid fucking jumped the fucking fence. He did it with no shirt on. Then he put a shirt on and tried it but he went over but his board went over there. He was like 50 kilos, I used to be 60 when i was like anorexic. They had cameras - I think they were making one of those extreme documentary things".

Brrrrrrrrrrrm brrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!!! skweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelly!!

Have you noticed how the construction workers hang the union flag on top of buildings through out the construction process? I like it. Where the old Raffles hotel used to stand, huge luxury apartments are being built, I think each floor sells for more than a million. Any way, it’s this large shiny building, all glass and hard, and on the top hangs the union flag. The workers are claiming territory.

A girl at work asked if I had any hobbies, if I played any sports. I said “ hell yeah, I love sniffing glue and fruit-booting”. (I actually might have said that I enjoyed surfing) I was then obliged to also ask if she had any hobbies.
“I like makeup and stuff.”
“Have you ever thought of becoming a beautician?”
“Yeah I have.” As you can see our conversation was zipping along, full of wit and mutual interest. But then she dropped a bomb for which I am forever grateful, it made my day.
“Oh, and I love burnouts. Really love burnouts. I guess that’s kinda a sport. My boyfriend has a Torana, I love it when we take it out.”
Man, I’ve never met anyone who counted burnouts as a hobby- and I used to live in Bunbury which is next to Australind!
I was blown away and probably a little in shock.
“I hate burnouts,” I said. And that’s where our conversation ended.

Later I heard her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, “Mister when you get back you owe me a burnout…….yeah a burnout and a doughnut….. No, I’ll be real pissed off if you drink ten beers and try and drive to my house hahahaha.”

I shit you not, this is true. Man………..

I have nothing.