Super Emo Holiday Part nine teenz

The only gay in the village.

Super Emo Holiday Part Ate Ten

Last night my girlfriend told me "THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!" So I got up to look and to throw a few roundhouses at an intruder before he turned on me and beat me to a pulp. There was no one in any part of the house. Not even in the kitchen with the knives. So I went back to bed. Then she said "I saw their faces through the skylight up there".
We don't have a skylight.

Super Emo Holiday Part Sevunteehn

The other day I went for a surf. It wasn't that great but I saw arguably the best bodyboarder in the world walking up the track after a surf. I know people probably see him surf all the time but I was a little chuffed. Didn't even see him catch a wave.

Super Emo Holiday Part 14 through to16

Mad pash fest. Red hot


Frazzle

super Emo Holiday Part 13

I found an old stencil from ages ago and made some stickers. I got up. Mad shout outs to Ghostface killah, Vikki the Viking and the Kanagroo Creek gang. Dolarmites are toast.

Barnett - I'm coming for you.

Super Emo Holiday Part 12

I got a $60 parking fine at ten o'clock at night in Subiaco. Something's got to change Barnett, something's got to change!

Also, well done to the Tigers for being the only AFL club to have some balls. Demitriou - you're a fat womble. I hope you get done for stat rape! Ha!

Super Emo Holiday Part Eleventy

Super Emo Holiday Part Ex

Down the road from my house, in a semi-industrial enclave, sits a small shop called "MR WEEZEE SATAY". Whenever I see it I question the use of 'Weezee'. Why go with weezee? Is it some sort of boast? "We use so much of the peanuts that it make your throat constrict all anaphylaxis like!". I could make them a television ad. The theme song could be a strained "Wheezee - wheezee" which gets more strained and breathless with each repetition. This would be an excellent ad and Mr Weezee would probably like it so much that he would allow me to eat his special satay off the lino of his office floor like I have always wanted to. I don't think Mr Weezee chose his profession wisely. A name like that is more suited to a purveyor of insulation batts or an asbestos removal consultant.

I've actually met an asbestos/environmental consultant before. He didn't really wheeze. He was more a wet man. A bit clammy around the ears. Besides a bit of perspiration around the old clams, he was a pleasant fellow.

Last night I saw a young man who looked like the physical incarnation of primary school sex joke. He was all sneaky and slight of frame. He had a shaved head and seemed to be smirking about someone drinking a piss or a stiffy or poofters sword fighting or wankers cramp or how Mrs Clancy-Warrel is a fat bitch who would probably kill her husband if they had sex. Someone should have locked him up. I can't believe there are such perves inhabiting Perth's Public houses. Barnett has gotta do something, he really does.

Super Emo Holiday Part Nein

Social commentary. That's what's been lacking a shaq-a-lacking. So here, I lay down some observations.
Colin Barnett = Tombstone teeth. He's got these ratty broken fronts that have gaps big enough to fit a lego head replete in lego space headwear. He also has this curtain of jowl that seems to flop over the front of his collar and blocks the view of his half windsor. He seems to sweat, some form of right-wing vinegar substance, and goes pink like a lump of grainy silverside. His nose looks like it's had a bit of a nibble from a few rats drawn by his posthumous breath. Judging by his physical appearance I can safely say he is a chronic masturbator with a horrendously poor diet. Premier material? Yeah, he's pretty much what WA deserves. Man I hate West Australians.

super Emo Holiday Part Ate

Fresh wood

Super Emo Holiday Part Sayvun

Alan Jones is so suffocating. He's like an algae slime that neutralises oxygen, he steals the breath of handsome young men. I can't believe he was a teacher. I can imagine him brushing boy's hair at two at night under the flurous in his housemasters accommodation. Ugh! He's so scummy.

Super Emo Holiday Part Sux

About as fun as yesterday got.

photos won't upload again.



I'm reading Jones Town. God, Alan Jones is a scummy creep. He makes sick. I'm getting sick of him and his pathetic life after only reading 50 pages. After finishing the book I'm probably going to want to stick him with a rusty screwdriver. Put him to the knife dero style.

Super Emo Holiday Part Vee

This wasn't today but I like to think of it as an 'every day' or a 'john smith' if you will. Coffee, girl, me talking.
EDIT: Server not responding. will upload photo some other time. Figures.
Actually if only today was like the photo. Easy, simple. Instead I drank a horse trough of 'red death' and hurt my hand. Bad day. Would have preferred John Smith.

Super Emo Holiday Part quart

I got like my like super like emo art fag on today. Potato prints like kindy cool.







I also got an haircuttus. Whoah

Super Emo Holiday Part Tre

Alecia, Louie and I sat on the lawn and played with a tennis ball. I ate eel, and sashimi for lunch and actually purchased some christmas presents.

I got the Deaf Wish 7" as well. It's awesome.

Super Emo Holiday Part Deux

A guy at the skatepark asked me if I was in a band "Are you in a band? With that hair I was just thinking you were. You look like a bit like an electric or a bass. You know I used to have long hair. Check this out (pulls out mobile and proceeds to play a video). I taped that from the library. This fucking nuts kid fucking jumped the fucking fence. He did it with no shirt on. Then he put a shirt on and tried it but he went over but his board went over there. He was like 50 kilos, I used to be 60 when i was like anorexic. They had cameras - I think they were making one of those extreme documentary things".

Super Emo Holiday Part 1.

I am going to post a photo every night for every day of my holiday. This will inspire me, in part, to make sure I lead a super radical extremo existence everyday. Today I had an ache in me gulliver. I ate dodgy mexican food. I said" I feel sick. I think I have the food poisoning" and a ginger said "racist!". I walked around Subi today. Man, that place is pretty boring. I had some ramen at Wagamamma's and drank the soup with a wooden ladel. I wasn't sure if that's what you're meant to do but that's what I did. I teh punx.

This dog jumped into the river and swam out real deep. Obviously doesn't know about the great swan river bull shark. Fins up, claws out, swan river bull shark is what I'm talkin' about! He made my dog seem a little poofy.



Dear diary,
goodbye.

Chris Came - Boy Genius

I found these on Google SketchUp's 3D Wharehouse. For those of you who don't know, SketchUp is a free CAD program that's pretty easy to use (and frustratingly crumby at the same time). Anyway, you can download components that users have contributed and use them in your model. Some nerds have spent hours upon hours crafting hoover vacuum cleaners and the engines of Honda SUV's. Chris Came, however, has contributed something much more worth while than white-goods or japanese motors.

Exhibit A:

X Men Are Here Top Secret

"about x-men"

Exhibit B:

da 18$

"a man with a spray can who sprays da 18$ and chris is lil c trying to tell rappers that it does not mater if your not a rapper you can still become one."

I can't work out if he is 7 or a retard. Either way, he's awesome.

This Modern Life

A lecturer had the nerve to lecture me on how good my life was and how in ten years time I would be reminiscing about how much time I had to get things done and that I would be holding a nappy in one hand and a fork in the other trying to catch a snippet of news to see how my finances were doing today. His lecturer told him the same thing when he was a student and he bumped into him ten years later and told him he was right.

So i should be grateful. I should of put more effort into my fucking piece of shit cardboard model because in ten years time I'm going to be wishing that I was gluing that cardboard late at night and that I wasn't 34 living a shit life. Greato!

Don't get it twisted

For ruhl.

Richard Brautigan tickled by explosions of watermellon sugar

You know when you get a smidge drunk? Just when your face starts getting all hot and your heart beats like a battery in a pouch? And someone starts talking about something, some task or service, and they're saying 'I'm thinking of doing this' or 'getting this done' ? And you say 'I can do that! I'll do that!" and they say "really?" and look all happy because you are offering them something excellent for nothing. You're doing it because you're a great fucking guy and solving problems/providing solutions is your gig mannnnnn. And they're all happy and you drink one of their beers from their fridge because, well, you're helping them out and it's one big positive vibe fest.

And you go to do the thing that you said you could do. 'No problemo' you said. And then you try and you can't do it. Like it takes you ten hours instead of that 30 minutes you pictured when your face was hot.

I hate that.

He war, he war

A woman in the shopping centre whispered to her husband "He looks like Jesus" as I walked by. I should have said "She looks like a cheap plastic bag full of lumpy custard rolled in cat fur in a pair of skin coloured nylons" to Alecia. I didn't as I only thought of that two weeks later.

A kid in my class said I looked like the lead singer of Nickleback. Worst comment ever.

I'm listening to Fuckbuttons. I wish I was floating in a luke warm constellation. Sometimes I can't wait to get back to my home planet.

"You there Colin? I've come round to drop off some fish. We had fish and chips for dinner last night - Ron's night off. Anyway, there's some left. A nice piece of flake and some squid rings. Be a nice dinner for you. I put some of the coleslaw in as well- just enough for one I think. And half a pickled egg. They're not really my thing. Oh and I bought your mail in. Looks like there's a sale on for trackys at Big Dub. If you give me some money i'll go pick you up a pair. The old one's are looking a bit raggedy and it would be nice to get you into a nice new pair for when you have to visit the doctor or go down to the club. I'm going to get Ron a pair as well so I might as well get a couple. How are you for your meds? I can't remember if they came last week though I suppose you have a fair bit in the back room. Actually, now that I'm here, do you think I could borrow some pain pills? My legs are giving me curry. From top to bottom I ache these days. Ron says it's cause I do so much but you got to keep active don't you?Mr.Howard's still out there walking every morning. Colin? You in Colin?"

"While my mother waters plants my father loads his gun"

Hey slow walking people. The way you sway and zag across the footpath at the slowest pace. No awareness, stop where you like. I think that koala T- shirt looks pretty great as well.

This was a while ago but it just occurred to me again

My dog humped my next door neighbours' kid's leg. Yeah he did.

The dad asked if his kids could come over and play with the dog as they weren't allowed to have a dog at the house they are renting. (We're not allowed to have a dig either but my girlfriend said we needed one so we got one)

The kids came over to see Louie. Kevin (who I call Junior because I figure this is a Philipino tradtion*) came outside and his sister Melissa stayed inside. Her dad told me she had "asthma of the skin".

Louie saw him. He then walked to Junior (American spelling because he has an American accent). Then he grabbed his leg between his two beagle paws and humped him. The kid didn't know what to do. I pulled the dog off (HAHAHAHAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! OH GOD!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!)

That's the end.






About, oh let's say 4 months later, the Dad asked me about my dog.
"What's he do?" SLEEP AND EAT THE BUTTONS OFF MY SHIRT.

"What does he eat?" JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. NO SERIOUSLY, THERE'S PLASTIC IN HIS STOOLS.

And then he asked me about de-sexing. I can't remember how he approached the subject but the question was asked. "Definitely no lead in that pencil" I said.

"But does he still get ..... urges?"

"Ummm... well he humps legs but it's more of a dominance thing." (Urges!!! This guy gives me enough things to laugh about for a few days. But seriously, he's one of the nicest guys. If only he knew how unsavoury I truly was- he'd probably give up on trying to make over the fence conversation).


* I only call the kid 'Junior' when I see him walking out the front. But not so he can hear it. Just "there's Junior". We knew this Philipino woman who was married to a crayfisherman and her brother was called Junior. I figure this is a tradition. Tenuous? Racialist? Yes, probably.

Every now and then, I hear a hiss

It's like a million o'clock on Monday morning. I can't sleep. So I'm sitting here, face full of computer glow, thinking things and living dead.

Last night I had a head full of booze and stomach full of golden fried potato and pizza. I'd pushed the seams, like I do so often. Now I'm eating biscuits and my head hurts - I didn't drink a coffee until about 4 in the afternoon. I feel sick without it. My head starts to beat and I feel a bit hung overish. Like a sailor who's been out at sea for so long that they start losing reality, all they've got is dehydration and the roll and lull of the ocean(plus sunburn and the worst smell ever in the pants).

I really should start lifting weights. I think this often. There's not much muscle in the muscle of my arm. A little flex doesn't produce much tension. I could really go some muscles me "check out my muscles"wow nice muscles"thank yee".

And every now and then I hear a hiss. The house hums and chokes. My fridge - he's loud. Rrrrr RRrrrr rrrrrrRRR.

Some dumb birds are still awake. Dumb birds. It's night time. Wattle wattle birds. Wattle wattle. I wonder if the street lights tell them it's day time. Dumb birds.

I walk the streets of London like 'ya' know what I mean?'

I told some kids yesterday that I hated Jim Carrey.

They wouldn't believe me. 'He's awesome!'


I said 'I hope he fucking dies'.

Conspiracksy

I was at the shops down the road tonight and I turned around and there was a Priest behind me in line! They actually exist - not just in BBC rural parish drama series! He was buying bread! Bread!! They eat with their mouths!!

Yesterday I was mowing my lawn. My neighbour from Manilla pulled into his driveway just as I was priming the engine. He came over and asked me how the lawn mower worked. I showed him all the features "you put the petrol in there', 'the blades are like a fan', 'it can run over sticks!' He'd only ever used the person powered push versions.

He asked me if he could watch. Then he stood on his lawn and watched me mow my entire front lawn. I smiled at him occasionaly. He crossed the road and stood on the foot path to get a better view.

Deep Blue Say Ah

It's Friday night and I'm at home alone drawing pictures, listening to depressing music and drinking tea and I'm loving it. I'm a deep character.

I had to ring an artist in Seattle from work today. We needed shots of his work for an article in our magazine (it's like 20 pages- maybe not a magazine). Anyway, I punched in about 13 numbers and waited. American phones ring different, like a bee drunk on cough syrup dying in your ear calmly humming out it's last drugged out breath. He wasn't there and I left a long and convoluted message on his answering machine. I imagined his apartment and his head. Thought about night time in Seattle.

La' Grande Chuzzler uh.

The other night I was talking to a young doctor at the Subiaco hotel. She seemed a little scratchy, like a glitchy record, one of those people that could easily make you feel like drinking yourself into a coma and collapsing in a corner to avoid hearing their opinions on

We started talking about the upcoming state election and she went in to overdrive. "I've grown up with Labor politicians at my house" She wanted me to know this. She said it about five times. Then she told me that they actually smoked weed- they were 'potheads'. Didn'tyaknow?

"Eric Ripper has basically been the Premier of Western Australia for the last five years. He's a great guy." And on, and on. When ever I think of Eric Ripper I think of the time he and Geoff gallop went to the Peters Ice Cream factory (I'm not really sure why - some dairy farmers. Anyway, both of them were decked out in those white smocks with little whit hats on holding Drumstick icecreams. Ripper was murdering his. They were probably going to get a few press shots inside the factory with some machinery in the background, you know smiley smile. But Ripper couldn't wait. He was ripping his apart "MMMMMUMMUUU ICECREAM!!!!!" There was milky residue running down his sausage fingers as he pushed the cone further up into his grand moustache chuzzler. There was so much perversity in his eyes - it was almost akin to a sex crime.

Bush fire moon

A girl fell asleep on the bus today. Like rolled her eyes back and zonked out with her mouth all open. The bus went around a corner and she slumped into the dude next to her. He was sort of polite and let her lean against him while feeling uncomfortable at the same time. She came to and realised she was leaning into a guy sitting on a bus. She jolted up and wiped the drool from her mouth. One time a guy, who looked like a cross between a deputy principal and an accountant, fell asleep next to me. He leant right into me and I tried to be all cool but it got a bit annoying. I gave him a little nudge, all hip and shoulder like, and he still didn't open his dumb eyes. I noticed that he had pink nail polish on and wondered how it got there.

Each day my bus drives past the burnt out remains of another bus. It caught on fire and basically burnt to death. When I see it I pretend I'm in Palestine. A girl in my primary school's mum's car caught on fire once. The de-mister on the back window heated up and then burnt the shit out of the back of her car. My best friend walked with her to the end of the oval and then moonied her. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Our teacher gave him a lecture on sexual harassment. The teacher was a douche. My friend was rad.

Cash rues everything around me.

The Solitary Arts.

Long hair is a journey a man must embark on his own. There are many in number that will try and block a long hairs path.

Do you remember how good Modest Mouse used to be?

I do.

Leprosy= Cured

I bumped into this guy the other day. He offered me a fish sandwich ( a very generous serving size - I'd actually say he over catered) and talked of olive oil, persian dates and sandals. He was very intuitive, he knew all about the time I warmed my brother's toasted sandwich up by placing it under the hairy folds each side of my testes. He said that this, along with other 'harmful personal activities', had to end.

I went to a fancy dress party on the weekend. For some reason I felt a little worried about dressing up as Jaysus H. Christ. I was worried that some zealot would come up to me and berate me for my sacrilegious portrayal of everyone's favourite good time dude. It was the peak of World Youth Day- I'd seen some pilgrims (well not really pilgrims i guess) in Freo getting World Youth Day Crazy. They were singing in some other language 'hallelujah' (god knows what that means) and banging this big brass looking cross up and down. A dude in a khaki turtle neck walked passed with his friend and said "hare krishnas". He must of been some kind of theological scholar. (ha- i probably didn't spell hare krishna the wright weigh)

Anyway the party was pretty good. The only problem was as soon as I got there a guy dressed as the pope called my over and said "come here my son!". Technically I don't think Jesus is the Po Po's son so I said "no, you're my son" but then I remembered that the J-man never really procreated or even got close to the act- he was as virginal as a Young Liberal at university. Anyway, the Pope then said "I suppose you've got twelve mates coming' and I said "Yes, that's me, I'm Jesus". Then he wanted to riff, he wanted to fire Jesusy/Bible referenced jokes around. All I had was "tell me if you see some Romans".

And then when the conversation ended, as it was basically him talking, I said "I'm going to find a place to HANG out!!!" and walked off. But when I think about it - he was really nailed to a large cross, there's not really much hanging. Later, I said to Borat that I was "looking to get nailed tonight" and he laughed quite loudly. Guys that dress as Borat aren't usually that smart.

Before my class today, this guy from Singapore said "This is really good, sitting here on this seat and watching pretty girls walk passed" and then he showed me some stitches on his leg where he fell off a fence onto a chair "like Batman".

I sent this to Eagle Boys pizza- It seemed funnier as i was writing it. In retrospect- uh

I am probably asking the wrong guys the question but one of the managers in there seems to know a little bit about nutrition. i was just wondering if someone could tell how much pizza a five year old should be eating. My son, Mathhew, is getting through bout two slices of pizza - it doesn't seem enough for a boy his age. Is there a recommended serving size for kids. I'd like to see him eat about 6 slices in a sitting. Not sure if that is too much though- I eat about two wholes each time but I do a lot of weights and work a twenty five hour week. Any advice would be great.

*I just got a response. It's actually not funny. Obviously I'm not a master of Internet pranks.
Hi Shay,



Thanks for your email. Unfortunately we are not qualified to offer you advise on this subject and would suggest that you approach a qualified nutritionist for advise on quantities your son should be eating.



Thanks again, and we look forward to your continued patronage



Regards,



r

Flat out like a lizard which is trying to look like a paddle pop stick so as not to be eaten by a fat kids neglected cat

Holga. Von Jeiago. Capricosa. hellok.

It's been super cold. I saw the Premier in the city the other day and there were all these people in polo fleeces and dandruff crowding around. He was handing out energy saving light globes and talking about the gas crisis. My beagle has a gas crisis whenever I let him inside. He poots the worst stench since Genghis Khans saddle was washed down.




My friend just handed in his thesis which is super sick (hella epic). He knows lizards like no one else. I'm going to drink some beer with him and a red haired kid. Hella epic.


when you take a photo of someone taking a photo you're in danger of imploding the planet

It's monday and I want to forget Suzy, I want to forget.

All slow No glow

"She's going to be a cock professor studying my dick, she's gonna get a masters degree in fucking me!" is perhaps the greatest line ever written, thank you Ween. I would have found it funny when I was ten, that's how great it is.

Pure Guava by Ween was the first CD I ever bought. I think I was about nine or ten and my Gran had given me some money to buy an album. It was a toss up between Ween or Ugly Kid Joe's America's Least Wanted. While the cover art of the Ugly Kid Joe album was alluring I chose Pure Guava simply for the fact that I wanted to listen to Push th' Little Daisies four hundred times in a row. Kids at school said it was the dumbest worst suckiest song ever which instantly made it the greatest song of year 5. Anyway, the album blew my mind- it had lots of awesome swearing and the guitars got all fucked up and nasally. I used to play the solos through my nose "nuh nuh nuhnuh nuh nuh nuh"

The CD doesn't work anymore. It's all jerked up. I'm going to get some sand paper and try and level out the scratches.

Captain Danzigaretto

So you know Danzig eats like four kilos of lamb, 48 eggs, a tub of ice-cream, twelve sacks of carrots and a carton of low carb beer a week. He also brushes his hair at least five times a day while he watches pirated pornos. Dude puts nail polish on his toes and wears those little glasses that John Lennon did while he makes model boats.

His most prized model boat is called the Pappa Swine, a barge full of little plastic pigs. He putt putts that little barge from one end of his steamy bath to the other and sometimes unloads a few pigs on the port of his belly. One time a sow got scared and he had to coax it up to the safety of his generous breast with some of his poppy seed cake. "Don't be scared girl, it's OK. I will raise you organically and find you a healthy sire."

He's a bloody sicko that Danzig.

Bean dreams

You know you're poor when you wish you had a tin of borlotti beans to put in your vegetable soup but you don't want to split your last ten bucks or use the nine dollars you have in the bank ($9.17). And then all you can think about are those beans and how if you had some money you would be buying those beans and eating them. What a luxury.

I said to my mum "I'm really broke" and she said "why don't you get another job?" and I said "that's the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard!"

ha. That'll show her.

PS I Rub You

My girlfriend and i have a $25 late fee at the video shop. We got a dvd, I can't even remember what it was called, the dude could freeze time or something like that, it wasn't very good although it did have boobs in it. Maybe I imagined the boobs. I often do that. Anyway, the dvd player blew up (went pop blue electricity) with the disc inside. It wouldn't eject (like Howard before the election!!! HA POLITICAL COMMENTARY). So my girlfriend tipped it on it's side so she could look deep inside (Carry On) and the disc fell back further.

Then we left it in there for a week or so.

Then I got a screwdriver and used it as a hammer to smash the bad movie out.

When we went to the video shop after 4 months of not going I hid the ten dollar note that was in my wallet in my pocket and then i told the girl behind the counter that I only had five bucks. HAHA. I'm like Ghostface. The player haterz are never gonna get they claws in me yo.


She suggested that the people in front of me in the line get "PS I Love You" out.

Mozza and the best actual keywords

Have you ever watched youtube videos of Morrissey singing "there is a light that never goes out" and fast forwarded to the section where he takes his shirt off, throws it into the crowd, and walks off stage?

I did this a couple of times the other night.

He spends less time on stage shirtless these day. Like shirt comes off and bam he's gone. In the 80's vids he dances around with his eyes closed and his back to the crowd. I think he's embarrassed of his older frame. Something like that.

My belly swells when I eat too much. I like to imagine I'm a Pokemon called Garlax (garlic dumpling).

There's a kid in my class who can talk about Manga for seven hours if prodded with the right questions. He calls it 'mungah!' though. Which sounds cooler if you imagine him as a thai kid with a marine cut and not as a New Zealander, which he is. He talked a lot about Goku's wife the other day.

A guy showed him some porno on his mobile phone and he went crazy. He told us that he'd actually seen stuff like that before, actually he'd seen much better ones on the Internet that went for like 20 minutes not 30 seconds like this one, and that he actually knew all the good key words to type into search engines. I should of asked him for them. So far 'women with no clothes on' is bringing up the same hits.

The Peanut Butter Revelation

A man could grow old quite happily eating sandwiches with his dog out in the back yard.

Observations:
A Continental roll conatins four different meat stuffs. At least four. Why is it called a continental roll? Only the Lord and saviour knows. Wow. What a great post. fuck.


Ok, I now go to class with teenagers. I think they might think I'm one of them. I'm akin to a sociologist on in situ ethnographic observation. I have emersed myself in a new world. Things are 'gay', dudes who drive commodores are 'mad c***ts', and it's cool to play soccer with rolled up paper. "WE'RE NOT IN SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE A CIGARETTE EVEN THOUGH I DON'T SMOKE!!!!"

Anyway, I don't want to let them know I started uni before they started high school. Little bitches might turn on me.
"What the hell does this project brief say? We're only TAFE students!"

Moscow, Western Australia.

Today marks my descent back into studentism : poverty and hunger. My job is finished and I pulled the plug (ie. I wasn't fired for excessive Tetris or pirating stickers). My boss cried. I think he'd had a bit too much free booze at a Departmental Christmas party- when it's free he can suck it harder than Amanda Vanstone can an egg through a stocking (she's mad on protein). He was all ruddy and was starting to get a bit clammy around the gills. He's usually red though, he has the unfortunate condition where the collars of his shirts are too tight and a saddle of jowl hangs over the front. It's although his tie is a nylon garrote cleaving up between two plastic bags of mascapone. Anyway this was a whisky red, a 'fuck the kids honey, they can make they're own tea, i'm staying for the last race!' crimson.

I said "I've decided to leave" and he said "Geeez!" and then his eyes got watery. Stategically it was a great move. I immediately felt like a bastard. I had made a habit of talking shit about him for a year, I would do his laugh and say " perhaps you could come to our conference and expose yourselves, I mean.... actually I wouldn't mind if you exposed yourselves!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH". And now he was crying?
fuck.

Polynesian Tacos: Memphis Poo

You know what? The sub prime market is failing in the US. Sales of sub prime are falling faster than the pants of a seedy preacher in bangkok. Things are getting so bad that parents in Memphis are feeding their kids poliestyrine polynesian tacos.

Disecting a Summer Holiday: Volume One, Edition One. (Limited run 2xCopies)

Whoa.


My holiday is fast running out like yak fat in a Mongolian lamp. I haven't accomplished half of what I wanted to. There are more unmarked boxes on my checklist than there are welts on my pale thighs (32).

I have, however, got sunburnt. I'll check that box. Excellent. Now I'm worried I'm going to develop the..... well you know, I'm not going to say it. It scares the crap outta me. It's kind of funny- there's this whole new push "Australian kids don't actually get enough sun. They lack vitamin D. The television told me so. We should also be able to hit them". I reckon (and I'm not technically a scientist- although my mum has a science degree* and I sometimes listen to what she says*) that you probably get enough sunshine running out the back and hiding while someone knocks on your front door. I don't think we need more sun.


Shouldn't have drank so many beers before typing. I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Sunburn is irresponsible and comparable to smoking?

Yeah, that'll do.

*I think my mum has a science degree. It's degree of some sort.
* My mum told me to wear sunscreen and to apologise when I broke things.