My dog humped my next door neighbours' kid's leg. Yeah he did.
The dad asked if his kids could come over and play with the dog as they weren't allowed to have a dog at the house they are renting. (We're not allowed to have a dig either but my girlfriend said we needed one so we got one)
The kids came over to see Louie. Kevin (who I call Junior because I figure this is a Philipino tradtion*) came outside and his sister Melissa stayed inside. Her dad told me she had "asthma of the skin".
Louie saw him. He then walked to Junior (American spelling because he has an American accent). Then he grabbed his leg between his two beagle paws and humped him. The kid didn't know what to do. I pulled the dog off (HAHAHAHAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! OH GOD!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!)
That's the end.
About, oh let's say 4 months later, the Dad asked me about my dog.
"What's he do?" SLEEP AND EAT THE BUTTONS OFF MY SHIRT.
"What does he eat?" JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. NO SERIOUSLY, THERE'S PLASTIC IN HIS STOOLS.
And then he asked me about de-sexing. I can't remember how he approached the subject but the question was asked. "Definitely no lead in that pencil" I said.
"But does he still get ..... urges?"
"Ummm... well he humps legs but it's more of a dominance thing." (Urges!!! This guy gives me enough things to laugh about for a few days. But seriously, he's one of the nicest guys. If only he knew how unsavoury I truly was- he'd probably give up on trying to make over the fence conversation).
* I only call the kid 'Junior' when I see him walking out the front. But not so he can hear it. Just "there's Junior". We knew this Philipino woman who was married to a crayfisherman and her brother was called Junior. I figure this is a tradition. Tenuous? Racialist? Yes, probably.