The dark angel of route 160

Every day this goth catches my bus. He works in the city and plays PSP all the way. Well usually after his girlfriend gets off about halfway through the trip. She is a goth too but more of your nerd 'I love cats', ironic bob hair style, skivvy, sensible shoes etc. Actually I wouldn't really call her a goth, she only gets that title through association. I'd call her more "Lean Cuisine; I like Placebo". And the dude, he's not really a goth either now that I think of it. He's more of nerd. And all nerds are into black clothes right? Heaven knows why- it doesn't hide dandruff or semen very well. Two things that I'm sure have covered a black trench coat or ten to the sound of Quake and Rammstein.

Anyway, the guy wears these super 'funny' (funny if you're retarded and enjoy teh net catz) such as "I pwn n00bs" and "What she said"(I'm not actually sure what this is a reference to- a Ben Stiller movie? anyone?). These are excellent statements as they tell other commuters "I spend copious amounts of time online eating instant pasta" and we can easily write a synopsis in our head- don't sit next to the pale one.

Bad coffee, broken dreams

“I’m in the Who’s Who of WA. Have to get a copy for the office I reckon. I’m a bit of a shaker, know the Premier. Got his mobile number. Allan’s a good bloke. Hey, actually we should ask him to one of our meetings. Yeah do that Julie- just give his office a call. I’m sure he’d love to come, actually I’m pretty sure he’s expecting to come. Just like the Union, they’ll send a couple of reps. I think they’ll do anything for a free feed, it’s good tucker, really good, I love a good meal. Last night I had the surf and turf. It was exceptional- the steak’d have to be the size of a dinner plate. They do real good meals down there, they sure do. Actually Judy, I mean Julie, I might get you to give the hotel a call. One of the guys at the front counter, I haven’t seen him before, he asked me for my credit card details. I said to him ‘look we’ve got a deal, it’s all pre-organised’ but he kept asking for my number and I think Steve was getting a little uncomfortable- don’t think he’s got a credit card. Anyway, I said ‘I’ve been staying here a lot longer than you’ve been working here mate, I’m going to go across the road and book into the Admiral and then I’m gonna send the bill for the accommodation and the difference to your boss’ anyway he finally booked us in. It wouldn’t hurt for you to give them a call and let them know that Mr.____ had a bit of trouble with the guy at the front counter, he was a young guy, the boss needs to have a word with him, he’s a real little smart arse. Imagine if the Premier wasn’t in the Who’s Who and I was…. Look out! I’m comin’ for your job haha, wouldn’t go down too well I reckon. Who’s gonna drive me to the airport?”

Major in Margerine. Minor in Orange J

My new name is Shandwick Collostomy. I drink chocolate milk out of a plastic bag through aqaurium tubes. I wear nothing but off white;string vests, Y-fronts, bus driver socks and karate shoes. No one messes with me. I get my own seat on the bus. I bite hot pies and let gravy spew down over my milky white chest. I am desicated dandruff. I am grease. I am yeast. Feel my sweaty palms.

Forever bum cracks and armpits,
Shandwick Colostomy.