Monday, June 09, 2008

Captain Danzigaretto

So you know Danzig eats like four kilos of lamb, 48 eggs, a tub of ice-cream, twelve sacks of carrots and a carton of low carb beer a week. He also brushes his hair at least five times a day while he watches pirated pornos. Dude puts nail polish on his toes and wears those little glasses that John Lennon did while he makes model boats.

His most prized model boat is called the Pappa Swine, a barge full of little plastic pigs. He putt putts that little barge from one end of his steamy bath to the other and sometimes unloads a few pigs on the port of his belly. One time a sow got scared and he had to coax it up to the safety of his generous breast with some of his poppy seed cake. "Don't be scared girl, it's OK. I will raise you organically and find you a healthy sire."

He's a bloody sicko that Danzig.

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