Genetics

You know what's a good time killer when you're super bored and it's late at night and you should be asleep? Looking at threads about denim care on the Hypebeast website. Actually, it's really boring and tedious. Nerds from LA list about a thousand ways to care for you jeans so that they look like you don't care about your jeans.

If you're running something pretty basic VivismMocCrumb suggests you take a shower with the jeans on as soon as you get home. Then you've got to go for a run or a skate (rollerblade) with still wet pants to make sure they crease in the right places. Then you have to wear them until they're dry. If they smell like wet labrador- you're doing it right. You've set the culture into the jeans (like yoghurt) and they become a living organism. What VivismMocCrumb neglects to mention is that you should always get a handful of instant coffee and pack it around your junk as a form of deodrant. Never wear underwear. The granules of Nescafe will give you a nice subtle brown colour near the groin. This is desirable. It lets everyone know that you're a strong dark character. You shovel handfuls of the most expensive instant coffee around your most treasured possesions as though it's cheap dirt. The brown triangle will never go out of fashion. Word of warning- make sure you don't shove a handful down the back.

The other thing that's weird is selvedge. You must never ever wash it. Not for two years anyway. I tried this with some jeans I bought in Japan. I got to about 8 weeks and cracked. It was summer. Smelling like gooch doesn't do anyone any favours. SupremeFiendHongKong suggests you bury your jeans in warm peat for six months and then they're ready to wear to selected events.