Turn and Face the Flag Son

My friend went to Indonesia and saw the biggest flower in the world. 

"What, Elton John?" I said.

Then I repeated it to everyone I met for the next week. Maximum mileage. Loathed worldwide. 

My girlfriend is a dreamer. In bed asleep she talks. In bed asleep she groans. In bed asleep she clicks her mouth and barrel rolls. The other night I walked into the room and she said "Are you the admitting consultant on the ward?"

"It's me" I said.

"Are you going to admit these patients?" She asked.

"I don't admit anyone. My job is being cool"

"Well I'm going to have to do it then". And she huffed.