Monday, February 07, 2011

Wayneo's World. Egg Salad!

My barber was bummed that he didn't get invited to his cousin's sister-in-law's brother's bucks party. How is that even possible? He's an integral link in the family bike chain! He's the guy you call up when you need a haircut or the guy you bumped into once at your sister's wedding. He was the guy that made a comment about all of the bridesmaids being 'sexy as' and pretended to air hump in front of the buffet. How was he not invited!? He would have set that party right off! A party without him is like cereal with no milk - really dry and absolutely no sexy babes. He knows where the 'sexy babes' are. Well he'll take you (come with you) to 'the strippers' and get hammered on bourbon and coke. A great night! Off the chaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! The dogs are out tonight!! Just the guys. THE GUYS!!! Us guys right fucking here! The Guys! Yep yep yep!

But he didn't get invited. And homosexuality probably broke out. Yeah that's what would have happened. Probably 'gayed' each other off for an hour or so and then went to bed at ten! Should've invited Wayneos! He would have said "Youse guys aren't drinking hard enough! Lift!" and then he would've regaled you with his stats for that night (Six beers, two bourbons, a spliff, piss in the shower).

He would've sat the Buck down and say "Last night of freedom eh?!" and winked all sly. And then he would have pulled out a classified ad he cut from the paper at lunch and say "What you reckon? What you reckon? eh? eh?" And the buck would laugh assuming it was a joke. But Wayneos would say "Nice and spicy! HAHAHAHA". And the buck would laugh politely. And then Wayneos would say "I'll put in fifty! FELLAS PUT IN FIFTY! WE'RE BUYING PETE A LAST MEAL!!!HAHAHA!"

Then the buck would be scared. He doesn't want to sleep with an escort let alone a 'tranny'. Who the fuck is this Wayneos guy anyway? Why is he all up in my grill? Why does he smell of prawns and batteries? Why did he sniff the remote control? Is he wearing shorts with no underwear?


Anonymous said...

top bloke he might be..but can he give a good undercut?? my strawberry rollup says he can't

SC said...

Your strawberry rollup is pretty incisive. He can do a mean 'colour' on old tanned guys heads though. Gets them refreshed and amped, ready to stroll on down to the shopping centre to leer at the girls working at Jumbo Juice.