Sunday, February 01, 2009

Super Emo Holiday Part 32 32 32 42 52 62 72 82

Perfect smoothie.
Smoothies are so you don't have to chew. That's why they were invented. Fact. You lead a busy lifestyle and you want to go back to the gym and smash mad bulk weight or process paperwork at your desk job faster than Clive across the cubicle. No time for chewing. You've got to get all the essential food groups into your blood stream so you've got at least two hours on a Wednesday to smash with the bouncers at the Brisbane on the bonnet of your girlfriend's Barina.

Milk- You can get this most places.
Salt. Lots of fucking salt. Things that are hard to drink make you harder. Make it saltier than Eric Ripper's sweaty ballsack on the day he had to help Ljil move out of Dumas house. You are a sea dog.
Eggs- You don't actually have to buy these. Park across the street? Perfect. Cross the road, climb a tree. The eggs of doves, crows and magpies are often overlooked by the limp-wrists of this world. You are a hunter gatherer. Crows eggs have the faint taste of urea. Smash as many you can get into the blender. Fuck the shells. They'll make your hair shine.
Pedigree Pal (biscuits) - Not the stuff in the tin - it's good for a casserole but isn't suited to a powershake. These little fuckers are full of protein and taste better than that fancy shit they serve up on huge plates in the city. I usually have a bowl in the mornings of my fights with the pricks at Central TAFE who won't let me back into jewelry cert3. Chuck a good man's handful in.
Tuna in oil- keep the actual fish bits in the fridge. You just want the salty oil. Purely for taste. (fish bits LOL)
Coffee- Caffeine. Apparently Bruce Lee wasn't into coffee. May still be alive if he'd downed the brown daily. There's an Italian man down my road who's about 57. Proof that coffee keeps you alive. I don't want to die so I ensure that every meal I eat has some caffeine as an integral part. Try going to a restaurant and ordering a spoonful of Maxwell House's finest to sprinkle over your Lasagna. Pricks look at you like you wiped a weeping sore on the table cloth. I always eat at home anyway. Or Sizzler. Love Sizzler. Make sure the smoothie has at least a tablespoon of coffee (Black and Gold is good value for money or a few cans of redbuller from those chicks at the skyrace if it's that time of year).

Mix it. Drink it. Energy. Straight through your heart, pumping in your veins. Also good for helping you learn shit and stuff

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