Teenage fuzz bus ride

"Kid. I'm here to tell you that you stink. No, not your attitude. You. You actually smell. It's quite normal though, a young person such as yourself is full to the brim with hormones. Yours are buzzing around the place so fast I can hear a high pitched whirr emminating from your person. This is quite normal. These hormones are bringing changes - you now the type. Long showers and swelling, itchy nipples and puffy glands. Hairs growing back into your skin, waking up with your eyes stuck together. We've all been there. When I was your age I used to climb the neighbour's fence and have a nice cuddle with their old Lassie dog of a hot sunday night. You can't do that these days though, oh no I assure you, so don't even try!

The smell you have is your way of telling the world that you're ready to bake. That you don't care if it's going to bring welts down the back of your thighs and make sweat crystals form on your neck. You're ready to kidney it out with some raw trade and heaven help your family if the oysters don't start lining up at the front door when the old moon is as low and white as a giant pain pill. Kid. You need to listen to this. I'm of the world, in the world, and above this world. Kid - come back. There aren't any spare seats."