Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Half man, Half icing

I drove past the dentists with a mouth full of Violet Crumble yesterday. This is the equivalent to driving by the tax office waving a hand of beautiful laundered money while in a tax avoiding taxi. You can feel the wind in your hair and have a fleeting feeling of knowing that your time has not yet come. These are our salad days (i think that's a reference to tossing when ever you feel like it).

I had an x-ray and an ultrasound today. My shoulder is fucked and has been fucked for the last 5 weeks. They probably won't find anything. I'm probably faking.

Once I had an ultrasound on my testicles. It was an awkward situation. The ultrasound operator was a girl who would have only been two years older than me. I had to lie on my back and pull my sack out through a gap in the sheets. Balls don't look great to start off with, like two baby brains (massive) in a deflated hairy skin balloon . They look even worse in isolation. When they're a pate' pink against the green of surgical sheets they appear more tumor than vital.

And then the ultrasound operator squirts goo all over them and tries to survey them with a hand held reader while they dodge and slide like slippery poached eggs. It's a bad situation.



Anonymous said...

i've always thought you were a lesbian woman..i shall have to go back and read through again to see where i went wrong

SC said...

What el whatto?
A lesbian woman? As opposed to a lesbian? Like a religious priest or a wanker cop?

I'm a man, man. But I mean, I guess I can see where you're coming from. Maybe.

HIRSUTE said...

You know who I hate, guys who say "I'm not homophobic, I wish I was a lesbian hur hur hur".

Anonymous said...

i can be very dry,pinch of salt and all that

SC said...

Oh, I get it. Maybe I'm anxious about my gender role. Quick to announce that I'm a man (75% man 25% hayfever).