Tuesday, November 17, 2009

No love BC

A million years ago when I went to University and did nothing but eat fried rice and try to read Russian novels.There was a mature age international student in my class. Unlike most mature aged students this guy didn't spout philosophical theories about genetics "Physically fit males, such as olympians, have female offspring. It's a scientific fact", try to fellate the lecturer at every given moment, or tell the kids how it really was out in the harsh cold world that they had mastered.

Once we were sitting around in a room waiting for a tutor to arrive. He announced to the class that he would like to practice his stand-up comedy routine. He smiled and said that it was 'the perfect opportunity!" The room was unresponsive. A guy with a scarf rolled his eyes. I could sense that this was going to be awesome. I hoped his jokes would be about wankers wearing scarves and how they smelt like meat.

And so he stood in front of the class and began his routine. He was eager. This would be the first step in a life long career.

"A robber broke into a house where three women lived. They were in the kitchen. They were doing some things.

The robber said "Give me your money!"

The three women said "Oh no! Please don't take our money!"

And so the robber said "Ok. I will not take your money as long as you do this one thing."

"Anything" they said.

"When you go to sleep tonight", the robber said, "you must lie like the letter 'i'"

And the comedian put his hands above his head so he became the human embodiment of the letter 'i'. He then smiled at the class expectantly. This was an excellent joke and he knew he had told it well.

They looked at him.

He stretched out his arms above his head and said "LIE LIKE THE LETTER 'I' !!"

He did a little laugh in the hope of kick start the surely imminent laughter explosion. No love.

The guy in the scarf rolled his eyes. A fat girl stared. The tutor walked in and the comedian sat down.

I'm not really sure what the joke was about but it rates as one of the greatest jokes I've ever heard.


HAIR STARE said...

Hahahahahaha. I never heard this story. I am thinking this is the same guy who may have 'done time' and wore his shirt open to his navel? I wish I knew his name he was legendary

SC said...

It wasn't that guy but the guy you are talking about was probably one of the greatest things about those three years of my life. Denim shirt, fully unbuttoned, tanned hairless belly proudly poking through, swigging two litres of diet coke as he walked into the lecture. His face was basically Dave Hughes face but with grey hair.

HAIR: SWEET said...

I would trade my BA for another afternoon with that guy. For sure.

Me said...

I hate scarf guy so much.

HIRSUTE said...

Also, speaking of writers always in a hurry, try and guess how many of those 'penguin classics' I've read since I got here. Zero. I am a pretentious twat

Anonymous said...

fyi dudes i was like so into my morning jumper way like before american dad

SC said...

Scarf Armageddon:Uni Tav Beatdown