Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Teenage fuzz bus ride
"Kid. I'm here to tell you that you stink. No, not your attitude. You. You actually smell. It's quite normal though, a young person such as yourself is full to the brim with hormones. Yours are buzzing around the place so fast I can hear a high pitched whirr emminating from your person. This is quite normal. These hormones are bringing changes - you now the type. Long showers and swelling, itchy nipples and puffy glands. Hairs growing back into your skin, waking up with your eyes stuck together. We've all been there. When I was your age I used to climb the neighbour's fence and have a nice cuddle with their old Lassie dog of a hot sunday night. You can't do that these days though, oh no I assure you, so don't even try!
The smell you have is your way of telling the world that you're ready to bake. That you don't care if it's going to bring welts down the back of your thighs and make sweat crystals form on your neck. You're ready to kidney it out with some raw trade and heaven help your family if the oysters don't start lining up at the front door when the old moon is as low and white as a giant pain pill. Kid. You need to listen to this. I'm of the world, in the world, and above this world. Kid - come back. There aren't any spare seats."
The smell you have is your way of telling the world that you're ready to bake. That you don't care if it's going to bring welts down the back of your thighs and make sweat crystals form on your neck. You're ready to kidney it out with some raw trade and heaven help your family if the oysters don't start lining up at the front door when the old moon is as low and white as a giant pain pill. Kid. You need to listen to this. I'm of the world, in the world, and above this world. Kid - come back. There aren't any spare seats."
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Film 102 oh Nine.
Australian cinema. The key to this genre is silence. Well used. Think Candy or any other movie that's about slow decay/drugs in Sydney/fucked up family relations. They all utilise silence. Wake up. Make cup of tea in flat in Cronulla that has no bed just a mattress. No sound. Kettle boils. Silence. Look across at note on fridge "I'm leaving. Caserole in fridge". Silence. "Fuck!". Get smack out from top drawer and shoot up. Look at ceiling. Silence. And that my friends is a good, honest, piece of filmus Australiana or as I like to call it 'movie about smack in Sydney'.
I have the perfect idea for a Filmus Australiana. I have a mate called Perky. He's sitting in a pub (make that an RSL) in Sydney drinking a beer in a rugby top, stubbies and some thongs. He's smoking a durrie and he looks a bit red around the eyes.
I walk in. Perky says "Fucking took ya time".
I order a beer and pull up a seat next to him. I am wearing a business suit and my hair is greasy. I probably have a stie on my left eye because this will convey to the viewers that I am stressed/disheveled.
Silence.
"Karren's left me" I say.
Silence.
"Left? " Perky says and sucks back a builders mouthful of beer.
"Fucking half ya luck. Have a fucking cry." Good movies say fuck a lot. i've known this for a long time. I mean a long fucking time. Good songs also have swearing as well. Turn them up when the swearing comes on.
"Lets go up the coast ya poof". Cue footage of us driving up to northern NSW in a grey rusted Falcon.
Later Perky will rape a girl, I'll shoot smack; ring my girlfriend's mum from pay phone who won't let me talk to my girlfriend who has our kid. I will say "Fuck!" and bang phone against the glass in carpark at night. We will have a car crash and the movie will end.
Critics will say "Can we only make one type of movie" when reviewing 'Grey Lines' and I will know that I have succeeded in making a good solid thinking man's piece of sub-successful yet earnest Australian film which each video shop will stock two new release DVD copies of.
I have the perfect idea for a Filmus Australiana. I have a mate called Perky. He's sitting in a pub (make that an RSL) in Sydney drinking a beer in a rugby top, stubbies and some thongs. He's smoking a durrie and he looks a bit red around the eyes.
I walk in. Perky says "Fucking took ya time".
I order a beer and pull up a seat next to him. I am wearing a business suit and my hair is greasy. I probably have a stie on my left eye because this will convey to the viewers that I am stressed/disheveled.
Silence.
"Karren's left me" I say.
Silence.
"Left? " Perky says and sucks back a builders mouthful of beer.
"Fucking half ya luck. Have a fucking cry." Good movies say fuck a lot. i've known this for a long time. I mean a long fucking time. Good songs also have swearing as well. Turn them up when the swearing comes on.
"Lets go up the coast ya poof". Cue footage of us driving up to northern NSW in a grey rusted Falcon.
Later Perky will rape a girl, I'll shoot smack; ring my girlfriend's mum from pay phone who won't let me talk to my girlfriend who has our kid. I will say "Fuck!" and bang phone against the glass in carpark at night. We will have a car crash and the movie will end.
Critics will say "Can we only make one type of movie" when reviewing 'Grey Lines' and I will know that I have succeeded in making a good solid thinking man's piece of sub-successful yet earnest Australian film which each video shop will stock two new release DVD copies of.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Dumb things I have heard recently from people in positions of authority
1. "Do you know about Versace? Have you heard anything bad about him? Heard any rumours?.... No? That's because he payed everyone to keep quiet".
2. "...It was called outcomes based education. Hitler loved it because it meant people didn't know how to think creatively and would salute when he said to"
3."In twenty years time there won't be any work for actors - they'll all be out of jobs. They'll have animations playing all the parts. People, in Japan mostly, will fall in love with these animations because they will be so life-like. Actors know this and they're getting worried. They're going to be redundant. You don't have to pay animations!"
4. "Money is our greatest form of love".
2. "...It was called outcomes based education. Hitler loved it because it meant people didn't know how to think creatively and would salute when he said to"
3."In twenty years time there won't be any work for actors - they'll all be out of jobs. They'll have animations playing all the parts. People, in Japan mostly, will fall in love with these animations because they will be so life-like. Actors know this and they're getting worried. They're going to be redundant. You don't have to pay animations!"
4. "Money is our greatest form of love".
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
Super Emo Holiday Part 33
Oh Jesus it's hot today. Sweet lamb prince please have mercy on my body, I cannot sweat more for you than I currently am. Please understand Lanolin King. There will be more hay in the fields of eternity I promise. Please don't let me graze these paddocks at this hour.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Super Emo Holiday Part 32 32 32 42 52 62 72 82
Perfect smoothie.
Smoothies are so you don't have to chew. That's why they were invented. Fact. You lead a busy lifestyle and you want to go back to the gym and smash mad bulk weight or process paperwork at your desk job faster than Clive across the cubicle. No time for chewing. You've got to get all the essential food groups into your blood stream so you've got at least two hours on a Wednesday to smash with the bouncers at the Brisbane on the bonnet of your girlfriend's Barina.
Ingredients:
Milk- You can get this most places.
Salt. Lots of fucking salt. Things that are hard to drink make you harder. Make it saltier than Eric Ripper's sweaty ballsack on the day he had to help Ljil move out of Dumas house. You are a sea dog.
Eggs- You don't actually have to buy these. Park across the street? Perfect. Cross the road, climb a tree. The eggs of doves, crows and magpies are often overlooked by the limp-wrists of this world. You are a hunter gatherer. Crows eggs have the faint taste of urea. Smash as many you can get into the blender. Fuck the shells. They'll make your hair shine.
Pedigree Pal (biscuits) - Not the stuff in the tin - it's good for a casserole but isn't suited to a powershake. These little fuckers are full of protein and taste better than that fancy shit they serve up on huge plates in the city. I usually have a bowl in the mornings of my fights with the pricks at Central TAFE who won't let me back into jewelry cert3. Chuck a good man's handful in.
Tuna in oil- keep the actual fish bits in the fridge. You just want the salty oil. Purely for taste. (fish bits LOL)
Coffee- Caffeine. Apparently Bruce Lee wasn't into coffee. May still be alive if he'd downed the brown daily. There's an Italian man down my road who's about 57. Proof that coffee keeps you alive. I don't want to die so I ensure that every meal I eat has some caffeine as an integral part. Try going to a restaurant and ordering a spoonful of Maxwell House's finest to sprinkle over your Lasagna. Pricks look at you like you wiped a weeping sore on the table cloth. I always eat at home anyway. Or Sizzler. Love Sizzler. Make sure the smoothie has at least a tablespoon of coffee (Black and Gold is good value for money or a few cans of redbuller from those chicks at the skyrace if it's that time of year).
Mix it. Drink it. Energy. Straight through your heart, pumping in your veins. Also good for helping you learn shit and stuff
Smoothies are so you don't have to chew. That's why they were invented. Fact. You lead a busy lifestyle and you want to go back to the gym and smash mad bulk weight or process paperwork at your desk job faster than Clive across the cubicle. No time for chewing. You've got to get all the essential food groups into your blood stream so you've got at least two hours on a Wednesday to smash with the bouncers at the Brisbane on the bonnet of your girlfriend's Barina.
Ingredients:
Milk- You can get this most places.
Salt. Lots of fucking salt. Things that are hard to drink make you harder. Make it saltier than Eric Ripper's sweaty ballsack on the day he had to help Ljil move out of Dumas house. You are a sea dog.
Eggs- You don't actually have to buy these. Park across the street? Perfect. Cross the road, climb a tree. The eggs of doves, crows and magpies are often overlooked by the limp-wrists of this world. You are a hunter gatherer. Crows eggs have the faint taste of urea. Smash as many you can get into the blender. Fuck the shells. They'll make your hair shine.
Pedigree Pal (biscuits) - Not the stuff in the tin - it's good for a casserole but isn't suited to a powershake. These little fuckers are full of protein and taste better than that fancy shit they serve up on huge plates in the city. I usually have a bowl in the mornings of my fights with the pricks at Central TAFE who won't let me back into jewelry cert3. Chuck a good man's handful in.
Tuna in oil- keep the actual fish bits in the fridge. You just want the salty oil. Purely for taste. (fish bits LOL)
Coffee- Caffeine. Apparently Bruce Lee wasn't into coffee. May still be alive if he'd downed the brown daily. There's an Italian man down my road who's about 57. Proof that coffee keeps you alive. I don't want to die so I ensure that every meal I eat has some caffeine as an integral part. Try going to a restaurant and ordering a spoonful of Maxwell House's finest to sprinkle over your Lasagna. Pricks look at you like you wiped a weeping sore on the table cloth. I always eat at home anyway. Or Sizzler. Love Sizzler. Make sure the smoothie has at least a tablespoon of coffee (Black and Gold is good value for money or a few cans of redbuller from those chicks at the skyrace if it's that time of year).
Mix it. Drink it. Energy. Straight through your heart, pumping in your veins. Also good for helping you learn shit and stuff
Super Emo Holiday Part 31st
Holiday about to end. I didn't achieve as many of things I had hope to achieve. I was meant to chew through a pile of books and be able to swim kilometers, to have completed my first major feature film and to have recorded the first example of ocean drone.
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