Friday, November 19, 2010

Milky Man Mega

There was half drunk bottle of milk in the toilets today . Some guy had left it on the bench "Can't walk out drinking milk. That would look disgusting!" But the truth is, and I'm using detective skills here, he drunk it on the toilet. Yeah, got a big mouthful of moo juice as he strained to evacuate his bowels of Mum's fish-finger lasagna (fish fingers, cream cheese, tomato sauce, corn chips). That's right - this constipated hooligan had sucked back on a bottle of milk in between long audible grunts.

"Argggghh, sip, sip, arghhhhhhhh, sip, sip"

Graver sounds a sane man (you and me and most girls) could not imagine. What kind of swollen teen feels the need to re-fuel while they're draining the sump (hahaha. I know heaps about cars. The sump tank is where all the spent energy from the petrol goes. It manifests itself as rich unctuous treacle goop).

"Just a spoonful of milky makes the evil come out" is the song he sung at the top of his lungs as he defiled himself and the rest of humanity. What a boy. Actually maybe it was an older man. Like a guy in saggy tracksuit pants with Russian hair. I mean communist hair. Like it's been rolled out in some kind of program. Stick your big cauliflower head over the board and Niklos will take to it with the cabbage secateurs. One of those accidently-on-purpose haircuts that sits on the head all plompy in the wrong places and ends abruptly near the ears. Yeah, maybe he walked into the toilet sipping the milk (got some on his fat chin). Looked in the mirror, drunk some more milk, sniffed through his fat red nostrils, drunk some milk, scratched the dropped crotch of his trackies, drunk some more milk. Decided to try for a wee. Could not achieve wee. Huffed. Got angry. Put milk on bench. Looked at self in mirror. Huffed. Walked out with the hope of being able to urinate as soon as he made it home. Friendly surrounds. Makes the fountain flow. No problem. Didn't need to go before. Oh fuck the milk. Should i go back to get it? Probably should. It had a disolved mint lolly in it. Tasted good. Special mint milk. If I can achieve a wee I'll stay home.

Yeah so anyway, some guy drank milk in the toilets. And I know who it was. I'm on to you. You're either a kid or a guy. Watch out milky - I'm the fourth estate,

1 comment:

georgios kyriacos panayiotou said...

don't touch my bloody milk fucking