Thursday, April 08, 2010

On the Bott/Ox Blood Flavour Wizard

On TV today Germain Greer said 'botox'. But not like 'botox' it sound like 'bottox'. Like the 'bott' from 'bottom'. It was strange.

The other day I heard a top judge say 'lambergeeny' instead of 'lamborghini'. She then said 'amphetamines were the main problem facing modern society'. Except she said 'amphetamynes' like 'mines'. I imagined her saying 'You took amphetamynes and stole a lambergeeny. I sentence you to twelve months in jayuhl. Think about what you have dohne.' I can't believe she's never heard someone say amphetamines correctly and changed her pronunciation accordingly. I mean it's Perth, there's more ice than the cold parts of China (like the mountains in Mongolia or the sugary Coke in the Google fridge - not sure what that means but take it as some sort of capitalist/communist jibe. Political. That's all you need to know).

The same thing happened to me yesterday. I rang up to book a dentist appointment. My dentist has a hard to pronounce name. Let's say it Hsu which it isn't. I say "can I book an appointment with Dr. Sue?" the receptionist says "WHO??!!!" so I guess again and say "Can I book an appointment with Dr Hahsoo?"

"WHO?" Says the receptionist who is probably fat and doesn't do the sex often.

"Hasoo?Sue?" I say. I'm fumbling.

"Ahh Dianne " She says. But she doesn't say her last name. And she motors on. And now I'm never going to know it. It's gone too far. She's fucked my turkey. Locked me out in the piss rain from God's heaving Fanta binge. I'm going to be seen as some sort of dumb hick every time I try and book an appointment. This doesn't bode well.

Went camping on the weekend. Found massive tick on my nuts when I returned home. What a horrible surprise.


Anonymous said...

HA!! Actually last time i camped at the Denmark i also found a tick on my scrote! He had had a real fucken gorge-fest too, was all swollen and fat as he(or she)'d been funneling the blood supply to my potential progeny. You got a population of erotic ball sucking ticks you do.

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- Lucas