Ethnography. Crow Magnum Man

For the last two weeks there's been painters at my house. They've started work a couple of times and left because of bad weather or to start another job. Only two rooms are getting painted. Today I came home to find them out the back painting away listening to the shittest FM radio ever cranked impossibly loud. The painter tried to talk to me about cricket over the strains of Nickleback singing about date rape and living like there's no tomorrow (which I guess they use for an excuse for the former).

I know nothing about cricket so I said "oh/yeah/ha" at regular intervals each time the painter said "They said Australia dominated/ top batting order/should have played more fasts on that pitch". He's from England and plans on giving every person that talks about cricket a hard time. I heard him fart quite loudly. I think this is his way of letting the neighbourhood know that his boys won the most boring sport in the world. A few chords on the colon trumpet is the best way to celebrate victory. He said if England won the world cup he would 'shit his pants'. I assume this is a one upping of the celebratory fart. English people have some weird customs.

He's gone now and I can't really tell if the house is finished or not. I think if I ring him up he'll say "Of course it is mate. Wot was you finking it wasn't then? Well it is. Don't make me come over there and give you a kicking wiv me trainers". He has a shaved head and is English. That makes him a soccer hooligan. It's the rules.